![]() Wouldn’t the child be more confident and self-reliant if she could face her fears and overcome them? Wouldn’t everyone in the family feel better if these fears could be mastered? The Goal. Can you be cruel to the poor child? Won’t pushing her away only traumatize her? Isn’t it natural for children to sleep with their parents?īut perhaps you have come to feel that this sleep problem is disrupting family life–it takes up a lot of time, robs parents of precious time to themselves, perhaps interferes with the relationship between husband and wife, and causes conflict between parents and child. Maybe this reflects a deep fear that she needs to work out. Perhaps you think you shouldn’t make her do what she’s not ready to do. If this is happening in your home, perhaps you worry it is because your child has an emotional problem, some deep insecurity. A surprising number of children-7 years old, 9 years old, even 12 years old-cannot sleep alone in their own beds the whole night. Despite their misgivings, the parents allow the child to sleep in their bed every night. Later, in the middle of the night, she awakens and cries and again needs her parents to help her fall asleep. They lie down with her on her bed until she sleeps. She says, “I tried that and I’m still scared.” She asks, “What if burglars come?” Her parents suggest she think about something else. Her parents tell her not to worry, but she stays worried. Every night in order to fall asleep she needs a parent to be with her. By applying well-validated behavioral techniques, listening carefully to parents and kids, and lots of trial and error, I have discovered the specific strategies that children need to establish a habit of independent sleep. Over the years, I have refined this straightforward behavioral approach to solving the problem. I developed the Goodnight Worry program in 2001 because I kept encountering this problem in my practice as a clinical psychologist. ![]() Everyone feels discouraged and exhausted. Eventually, parents throw up their hands. The child is not just being stubborn-she is panicked. The child cries, pleads, yells, and bangs on her parents’ bedroom door. Mom and Dad try to be firm and set limits, but the child actively refuses to stay in bed. It may only cause the child to feel more anxious and pressured. But the reaction they get is intense resistance. First, they try reassurance – tell her she is safe, show her that all doors are locked, buy a new special pillow, and maybe promise a reward. They want their child to sleep alone, and do so comfortably.īut when parents try to get the child to sleep alone, they run into trouble. They want their child to be confident, not fearful. Moreover, parents feel that too much dependence on them is unhealthy. But by the time the child is 7 or 8 years old, parents want to reclaim their bed. Maybe this was okay when the child was a toddler. Sharing a bed with a child every night can be maddening. Understandably, parents eventually get frustrated with this routine-too many knees and elbows, too little privacy. Or a parent has to sleep in the child’s bed. Often, the child sleeps in the parents’ bed. Every night, a parent has to be with the child until he or she falls asleep. This mastery and independence will spread to other parts of their lives, adding to their sense of confidence and strength as they engage their world. By developing their capacity to soothe themselves, our children master their fears. The Goodnight Worry program is designed to help school-age children (5-12 years old) learn to sleep alone. One month after you finish the program, TAKE THE FOLLOWUP SURVEY to share your experience so I can continue to improve the program and help other families. TAKE THE SURVEY.Īfter you have tried the Goodnight Worry program, tell me about your results. I will not share your name, your child’s name, or your email address. Describe your child’s sleep problem and how it affects your family. Tell me your story: you want to help my research and help other families, please take this short survey before you start the Goodnight Worry program. I want to hear from you! Please let me know if this is helpful. The Goodnight Worry Program for Bedtime Fears
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